Developmental Responses

(Used with permission from "Children Grieve, Too," a Centering Corporation resource.) 

 

INFANTS

Even though babies are not able to talk or even understand what is happening when someone dies, they certainly recgonize a change and feel the grief of those around them. For infants, their routine may change and this can be challenging for caregivers.

Helpful Hints:

Keep to the infant's schedule/routine as much as possible

Keep the infant in his/her own home with as few caregivers possible

Provide extra cuddling and nurturing

Age-Appropriate Responses

More crying

Thumb or finger sucking

Senses anxiety, sorrow

May become more clingy

May sleep more or wake more frequently

May be more "hyper"

 

TODDLERS  and PRE-SCHOOLERS (Ages 2-5)

As children begin to develop language skills and start to explore the world around them, they also have a very limited understanding of permanence. Children may revert to younger age behaviors and comforts when things felt safe. This may involve wetting the bed, clining, whining or even getting sick more frequently. Children at this stage do not understand that death is final, and they may ask when the deceased person is coming back, or ask if they can go with them. They are very concrete thinkers and cannot understand abstract thoughts or concepts. Kids also think that they did something that caused the person to die. They need to know that it was not their fault, and that they are an important part of the family, will also be cared for and have valuable thoughts and feelings to share.

Helpful Hints:

Be honest. Tell the child why the person died.

Use words such as died and dead rather than lost or went to sleep or passed away.

Explain the feelings they may have, and let them know the feelings are okay.

Involve the child as much as possible in the funeral planning, memorial service, etc.

Ask someone to be available for the child during the funeral and in the days ahead.

Age-Appropriate Responses

Bedwetting is common

Unable to verbalize feelings

May ask questions

Plays "death" (just like they play house, school, church, and so forth)

Reverts to baby talk

May want a bottle, pacifier or diapers again

 

 

 

 

 

 

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