Teens Grieve, Too

As a grieving teen, you may want to read this to help understand why you feel the way you do, what are normal grief reactions, feelings and behaviors, and learn about some resources that can help you as you're learning to adjust to life without your special person.

With everything going on in your life and all the changes that have happened, it's important for you to know that how you're feeling is okay. Whether you are angry, sad, lonely, confused, jealous, feeling guilty, scared or lost -- these are all normal emotions. Sometimes you may not even know what made you feel a certain way, and it's hard to make sense of it all. We call these unexpected things "triggers." It may be hearing a song on the radio or seeing someone who looks like your loved one. It may be smelling something that reminds you of that person or something you used to do together. It may be certain times of the year, on special days you shared, or on birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Often we don't even realize what that trigger is until later.

Click here to learn more about grief for teens and pre-teens. This information can be helpful for you to read and understand why you feel the way you do. It can also be good to share this information with a parent, teacher, coach or other safe adult that you can count on. We can't read each other's minds and this may help you explain to others what it is you're going through.

Your grief is different than how little children grieve, and it is different from how adults grieve, too. You are somewhere in that transition between a kid and a grown up, and your feelings and experiences are unique to you. Even other teens that have experienced a death can't understand exactly what you're experiencing. They may be able to relate to you more if they have also had someone they care about die. They may even be able to understand how you could be feeling happy and silly one minute, then angry or sad the next.

It is important to surround yourself with people who can listen to you when you need to talk, or who can give you some privacy when you need it. Just remember that our friends, families, teachers, and others cannot just guess what you need from them. It's hard for us to ask for help, but sometimes even just telling someone what's going on can make things a lot easier. You don't have to tell them your deepest, inner-most thoughts but they would appreciate knowing if you're having a hard day, if you want to give them a call and talk about things, or if you just need some time to yourself. Your friends and family want to help support you, they probably just don't know how. You may not even know how, and that's okay. There is nothing wrong with you. It's part of this thing we call GRIEF.

Grief is the internal processing you do. It is your thoughts and your feelings, your questions and your search for understanding. It is all the emotions you have, wrapped up into one big ball, coming out sometimes one at a time, other times all at once.

Grief is something you'll deal with every day. Some days will be pretty good even though the person died. Other days may be really hard for you. Grief is like a roller coaster ride that we don't choose to start. And we can't just push a button or flag down the operator when we're ready to get off. The important thing is that we can try to find things to be our support beams (such as friends, family, hobbies, sports, music, pets, church, reading, writing, etc.). These things can bring us comfort, make us smile or laugh, or be just what we need to get through the hard times.