• It is important that parents accept their role and responsibility as primary support for children - especially children experiencing trauma, grief and loss.

• Parents should try to learn as much as they can about grief and mourning and just be available as a source of support to children. It is important that the child knows a parent cares and is reassured that the parent is there for them. Where that is absent, the potential for serious problems inevitably exists.

• A holistic intervention plan involving all the important support for children is most effective and can potentially maximize the therapeutic benefits for children in grief and mourning. For example, teachers and youth workers are also critical support in the lives of children. A multi-focused intervention involving the home, school and community can be most beneficial.

• The children's grief support groups are recommended as having the best therapeutic outcome for children, especially when they combine individual counseling and creative art therapies (i.e. bibliotherapy, art therapy, puppets, movement therapy, etc.). These expressive therapies can be especially helpful in clinical interventions with children.

• Individual differences should be respected. Each child may grieve differently. Sensitivity to differences in culture, age, gender and the type of loss must be recognized.

• For all individuals involved in the support of children in grief and mourning, it is important to be diligent in resolving their own issues regarding loss to be able to assist rather than encumber children in their grief recovery.

• As adults, we must not be in denial of death, our fears and anxiety, grief nor hide our mourning from children. It is healthier that adults honestly share themselves with children as a way to teach that loss and grief are a part of life. This fundamental lesson in death education with children can be shared during opportunistic events such as the death of a pet or other living creatures.

• The trauma of a significant loss of a child takes time and requires patience and understanding, especially from significant adults (e.g., parents, teachers, guardians, youth workers, etc.) All should be informed of the child's experience.

• Funerals are important rituals and events for the release of grief via mourning. Funerals are also a valuable occasion for death education for children to observe and learn much about their religion and cultural heritage. Children should be told what to expect at funerals and given choices (to attend or not attend, view or not to view, etc.)

• Finally, despite all of the pitfalls, children are not as fragile as they are resilient. With some help and lots of support, most do recover - one day at a time.

Author: Ronald K. Barrett. Originally published in "Children Mourning, Mourning Children." Published by Hospice Foundation of America: www.hospicefoundation.org or 1-800-854-3402.