Grandparents Helping Grieving Grandchildren

Watching your grandchildren grief the death of a special person can be a very frustrating, isolating experience. You want so desperately to help, but you're not sure what to do, you don't want to "get in the way". Chances are you, too, are grieving the death of that same special person. What should you do? What if you do the wrong thing? What if you make it worse?

You may have suddenly become your grandchildren's primary caregiver, but no matter what, you are a primary caregiver of a child's heart - a heart that is broken, confused, isolated. Wait, isn't that where your heart is, too? Be prepared to share this journey with your grandchildren.

Unfortunately, there is no magic wand you can wave over your grandchildren to make it all better for them, but there are some things you can do to walk beside them on their grief journey.

• Listen, listen, listen. Your grandchildren want to talk about that special person. Maybe not all the time, maybe not for long periods of time, but when they do want to talk, stop whatever you are doing and give them your full attention.
• Love. Here's an easy one for grandparents - give them unconditional love. Even when the grieving process brings some unexpected, and sometimes unpleasant, behaviors in your grandchildren, make sure they always know that you love them. (You don't have to love the behaviors, but always make sure they know you love them.)
• Cry. Let them cry, and let them see you cry. This is a very natural reaction to sadness for both of you. And remember, big boys do cry.
• Talk. Talk about that special person with your grandchildren. Say their name, talk about things you remember about that person. Share your memories.
• Give them the gift of a BearHUGS membership. Ted E. Bear Hollow has a new program called BearHUGS (Help Us Give Support). For a nominal membership fee, you can have children's grief resources sent directly to you grandchildren and their primary caregiver. Click here for more information.
• Bring them to a day camp at Ted E. Bear Hollow. Day camps are the perfect place to share a healthy, healing grief experience with your grandchildren. Come to Kids Kamp and, while the kids share time with a trained volunteer making memory pillows, memory boxes, etc., you will have an opportunity to share and learn about grieving kids with other adults. Or, come to Tinsel and Tears for family holiday support - a camp where you spend the day with your grandchildren making holiday memories of that special loved one who has died.
• Bring them to a support group at Ted E. Bear Hollow. For more ongoing support, check into the once-a-month Saturday support group or the 8 session evening support groups.

Learn more about family programs.